"The Power of Two"
RICHARD LEIBNER AND CAROLE
COOPER
WHAT THEY DO: Co-owners,
N.S. Bienstock talent agency
AGES: 63 and ageless
MARRIED: 37 years
HOW THEY MET: On
a blind date in 1962, set up by friends, in which they drove in Richard's
1960 Chevy Impala convertible ("a really hot car") to the Four
Seasons in Manhattan for drinks, then on to the Orpheum Theater for a hit
off-Broadway show, then to Coney Island for hot dogs at Nathan's and a ride
on the Cyclone roller coaster, and finally to Lundy's in Sheepshead Bay
for clams on the half shell.
RICHARD:
We've worked together for 27 of our 37 years of marriage, and now both of
our sons work with us also. When people say that must be difficult, I tell
them that in fact we might not still be married if we weren't working together.
CAROLE: This business is so intense that you
take it home with you — so the fact that we can sympathize with
each other, or talk things through at dinner, has been a key support for
us.
R: I'm also terribly jealous — I wouldn't
want her out there alone!
C: We've been trying lately to get a little
more time together socially, away from the business.
R: We actually enjoy each other's company.
C: Truthfully, for the first three years,
working together was hard.
R: It took me a while to get rid of "I"
and "me." So I could do 20 things right and say one thing wrong
— something that wouldn't give Carole proper credit — and it could
create a strain. For days.
C: I wouldn't get over it too fast.
R: We were commuting then, from Great Neck,
Long Island, so there was plenty of time for Carole to get it off her chest
in the car — with me trapped behind the steering wheel.
C: Now we have a rule that if one of us
says no shop talk tonight, we shut it off.
R: Another ground rule is unselfishness.
Somehow, one of us knows when the other needs more support — so he
or she puts their own stuff to the side to help out. We absolutely don't
keep a box score: Last time was your turn, so now it's mine. You know, there
were 20 young couples at our wedding in 1964, and two-thirds of them were
pinned, engaged, or married. Only two or three of those couples are still
together.
C: Everybody was getting divorced in the
seventies. The key is that basically we got lucky.
R: We grew with each other.
C: We've had the same goals in life.
R: I have another rule: Never go to bed
upset with each other for more than one night. First year of marriage, you
can make that two nights.
C: One night of being mad is okay. You
can't always turn it off in a second. With me it often festers for a while.
Whereas Richard reacts instantly and then it's gone.
THE BEST TIME BETWEEN
THEM
R: I think it's now. There's a real fulfillment
and wholeness to our life together.
C: I know it sounds so sugary but it's
not, it's real life. We've been through a lot of difficult times.
R: We continue to work at having a great
relationship. We never take it for granted. And I love Carole more than
I've ever loved her before, every day.
C: I think you just got used to saying
that.
R: No, I mean it.
